Wednesday, April 7, 2010


There are a lot of people where I live, and I assure you that they are all in my way, all the time.  Whenever I'm checking out at the grocery store, or the local Costco, or switching lanes to get to the FastTrak terminal on any of the three bridges I'm routinely crossing, I see these people....  They are all jockeying for position, willing to go to any extreme to get one car-length ahead of me or anybody else.

Everyone is trying to make sure that they aren't in the slowest line, the longest line, the worst position for whatever the current circumstances dictate.  They will run over your cat, flip your mother the bird, honk in your ear (making you jump out of your skin) and cut you off so hard that your arm instinctively flies out (to save nobody, usually, since your kids will all be in the backseat) as you slam on your brakes.

I could save these jackasses a lot of time, a lot of frustration, and a lot of heartache.  Because the truth is?  No matter which line/lane I'm in?  I can guarantee that it will be the longest and slowest moving. 

Here is my advice, and I promise you that it will add years to your life:  Stay out of my line/lane, and you will sail through, unhindered by my bad luck.


  1. Here is my mantra when I am driving with all of those "in a huge hurry" people:
    [using my best sing-song, playground voice]
    "Nya nya, you are all going to die of a stroke, heart attack or some other stress related disease! I'm going to live to be over 100 and you're going to die at the end of a short, low quality "speedy" life. Neener, neener, neener!" This is preferably said aloud, but if there are others in the car it can be mumbled discreetly under one's breath!

  2. Oh Yeah Mia, I can relate!!!! I lived in Southern California and had a 45 mile commute. On a good day it took 45 minutes but there weren't many of those. Traffic at a stand still and the guy behind me yelling and waving his arms. Lots of road rage but I looked for the beautiful sun rises, spring wild flowers, anything to make the trip positive. Words under your breath, GOOD!!!!

  3. You know what I like to do, Kelly, is I like to tool up slowly to the stop light where the JACKASS who cut me off is now WAITING just like EVERYBODY ELSE and give him "the look". I'll probably get shot, it occurs to me now.

    And Betty (Tracy, if you're reading this, you'll probably remember it!) when my friend Tra lived in Orange County her ex-husband had to drive into Torrance for work. The traffic was SO BAD and SO AGGRESSIVE that he explained to us once how he would put on his blinker to go into the right lane, *as a fake out*, and then bolt into the lane to his left! If he put his signal in the correct direction, nobody would let him in...they'd leave barely an inch of space between themselves and the car in front of them!

    I can barely remember really feeling aggressive about driving (in my youth! ha!) but for many years now, I just get annoyed at people. I think I read some math-y thing once that somebody had figured out if you drove 75 miles an hour for 65 miles, you'd get somewhere about 15 seconds ahead of somebody going 65 mph for 65 miles. I leave it up to you, Kelly, to work that out. :)

  4. i call those people "line pushers" THEY DRIVE ME MAD! especially at the market.

  5. Michelle, here's something funny about me... I hate grocery shopping, and I move crazy-fast through the store, never back-tracking, I'm like a machine, really. But then I get to the checkout, and I'm a totally different person. I will let one, two, even three people go ahead of me if they just have a handful of items. I get into this very zen-kind-of-grove at the checkout, where nothing bothers me. It's just...weird.